If you don't have the Adobe
Acrobat Reader then you'll need to download it in order to view and print these files.
Click to view
IV8
I went
grocery shopping recently and noticed the plethora of new foods for
people "on the go." Soup to go, snacks to go, everything prepackaged
so that you can eat in your car or office. Well, what if that were
taken to the extreme?
Click to view
Meat Thins
I'll just say this. If they can put a "Chicken in a
Bisket," they can sure as heck put a steer in a cracker. I do
recall that Snyder's
of Hanover makes some tasty Grilled Steak & Onion potato
chips. However, I don't think there's any actual steak in them,
which is a shame.
Click to view
Cylindrical Meat - The
40's
This is the first in a series of ads for Cylindrical Meat
from different eras. In the 1940's we learn how cylindrical meat
is helping in the war effort. (If, for some reason, cylindrical
meat doesn't tickle your fancy, skip down to Victor's
Secret).
Click to view
Cylindrical Meat - The
50's
Ah, the fifties. Possibly the peak of the cylindrical meat
lifestyle. Certainly my favorite ad of the bunch (and,
coincidentally, the first one written). And, Hey! I think this
Sammy the Sausage character has some real potential.
Click to view
Cylindrical Meat - The
60's
The Cylindrical Meats Council hops on the anti-war
bandwagon. Or the pro-peace bandwagon, if you choose. Hmmm. No
wonder why they call them "Little Smokies."
Click to view
Cylindrical Meat - The
70's
The Cylindrical Meats Council want to preserve endangered
species for future generations. But not for the same reasons as
everyone else.
Click to view
Cylindrical Meat - The
80's
Why not a Sammy the Sausage animated series? Hmm? Why not?
Exciting stories and compelling characters -- that's why a show
like this would work. And everyone, but everyone, has got to love
a sausage that raps. Word to
your grocer!
Click to view
Cylindrical Meat - The
90's
Food for the busy lifestyle. Wherein we learn that
cylindrical meat will give you more time to spend with your
family. What is it about this one that is a little too real?
Click to view
Popesicle
It's in bad taste and has some really bad puns. I'm so
proud! If they don't do this, they should at least make some
Popsicles of the Presidents.
Click to view
Food of the Damned
The results of a photo-editing
contest, where the object was to modify old food advertisements. My
entries (yes, I won, by the way) were not what you would call tasty.
Click to view
Happy Meat
So my wife and I went to a wedding and she was
aghast when she saw that I had ordered the veal. "It's okay," I
said, "This is free range veal." Of course, she didn't
believe me... but here we are! (PDF format)
Click to view
What's For Dinner?
A variety of entries from a photo-editing contest
in which I got in touch with my demented side.
Click to view
Starducks Coffee
Starbucks coffee blows. There, I've said it. If you like
coffee that tastes like it has been touched by the Hand of Death,
well... what the hell is wrong with you, anyway? How can you drink
that garbage? As for the rest of you... I'll meet you for a real
cup o' joe down at Dunkin' Donuts.
Click to view
TruFresh Water
What does it mean when we say that water is fresh (besides
that it isn't sea water?). Is Perrier a fresh water? Maybe,
or maybe not. These folks have their own ideas.
Click to view
Laptop Cookin'!
Years ago, Car & Driver magazine reported on
people who wrap food in foil, wedge it in strategic places in
their car's engine compartment, drive for a few miles, open the
hood, and eat a tasty meal. (Visions of a salad with a light
10W-30 dressing). Which just goes to show that truth is stranger
than fiction.
Click to view
Dog: The Other White Meat
Okay, it's disgusting -- but aren't you a little tired of those "Pork: The
Other White Meat" commercials? I initially planned to make this ad about cats, but
reconsidered for a couple of reasons. First, I have other plans for cats and I don't want
to overdo it. Second, have you ever tasted cat? I wouldn't recommend it to anybody...
Click to view
Lays OW! Potato Chips
An anonymous writer suggested that I write something about those Lays Wow! potato chips with Olestra.
Well, I tried them, and it's true... there are side effects. Low fat, yes... but is it
really worth that many trips to the bathroom?
